a very long time,

sorry i haven't posted in forever! It's like i never have time for these things anymore.... and for some reason i don't like posting when i'm going through things.... anyways, things are going okay, but Ana is coming back into my life now. Her thoughts consume my mind again... it's horrible, i know. but for some reason i can't let go of her....... I don't know why.


I do know that the struggle is almost over. and to waste all of that on something, is just stupid.

Each day i pray more and more that i will get closer to God and farther away from Ana, but it seems to be going the other way around. I haven't talked to my counselor in a loong time, and i think that could be part of the problem. I know i should make time to see her, but Ana is trying to push me away from her. She tells me that talking about it isn't going to do any good and that i just need to let it go because she's busy and doesn't have time for me as it is. I hope all of that isn't true....


I'm ready for a change. For something new. Not a new CHALLENGE, god knows i already have enough of those, but a new CHANGE. a change for the better. something i can rely on. Where is that change? How can i find it?

I'm going to try and post more often. Although, it is hard. when times get hard, Ana tries to make me talk about problems as less as possible. But i'm pulling through! Blogging has helped me a LOT!