It seems like a really long time has passed since i have done anything that Ana would be pleased about. But she still hasn't faded away! (for those of you who don't know, "Ana" is my eating disorder. a lot of girls refer to theirs as Ana, which is short for Anorexia)
She still gives me new methods to mentally make her happy. She tells me it will make me happy, too. One of the methods is simply standing in front of the mirror. Counting my bones, picking at my fat.
I know it's not right, but every time i look in the mirror i can't resist. I feel compelled to Ana and to do what she tells me to do. She uses a lot of methods and tactics to slowly fade into her. She wants me and her to become one. But i'm still fighting in trying to separate myself from her. From the rest of the world.I want to separate myself from her, but it's just so hard. I don't understand some of the things i do, but Ana makes me do them. I want to be able to help other girls. But i need to help myself!
God has HUGE plans for me if i would just be still and listen to his power. I am surrounded by the beauty of my God and that is a big privelege! But instead of realizing that i surround myself in Ana and i let her control me. I want God to control me. He is the only one who can make me truly happy.
Your God is calling to you. He is saying, "My dear child, can't you see that you are so beautiful in my eyes? Can't you just be truly happy in my presence?"
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